my dad ate a cucumber today and he was like “wow this is pretty cold” and then he just slowly put the cucumber down and stared into space for a really long time until he turned to me with wide eyes and quietly said, “oh my god. cool as a cucumber.”
A little girl in my 4th grade class came up to me after recess and said, “I got married at recess!” and I said “Oh? I didn’t know anyone was ordained under the age of twelve.” and she asked me what ordained meant and I explained and then she said “Oh, well, no, my wife and I were married by the slide, but we’ll be happy together anyway.”
So apparently on school playgrounds, slides are already legalizing same-sex marriage.
do u ever have those days where it feels like everybody has decided to ignore u at the same time and its like that one episode of spongebob where everybody left bikini bottom to get away from spongebob and ur spongebob
(Source: diamondsmaelie)
(Source: space-bees)
are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes
with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks
